You Can't Always Get What You Want

If there is one thing I have learned this summer its that life is full of disappointments.

I don't mean to be dramatic, but I had quite the adjustment coming back from Washington, and as I begin to prepare myself for another move, I have to admit I'm far less excited than I was planning.

If you would have asked me in May what would make me happy, I would have answered "August." Now that it is just around the corner my answer has changed.

Don't get me wrong I miss my besties like crazy. I'm looking forward to being reunited with my best friends at school because, well, that has been a huge gap in my life lately!

But I'm not ready for school and how hard this semester is going to be academically. Lets remember that the last time I took a test was December 2010. Last semester challenged me in ways I have never been challenged, and it reflected in my grades, but 18 hours scares me and I'm not sure I have the determination to do it.

I promise this is going somewhere other than me complaining--!

Today in church I was challenged with the idea of trial. This year has no doubt brought on a number of trials for me and those around me.

The biggest trial I have faced is relationships. This trial has hit in a variety of shapes and sizes; friendships, family, love.  They have all been hard, and they have all tested me. But today I was humbly reminded of James 1: 12

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Trials are out of our control. They are just the part of life God uses for growth, but at the time that seems so hard for me to grasp.

I know this trial of relationships is not one that is soon to pass. I also know that lately I have not done a very good job to stopping to think why I'm experiencing this trial or what  God is trying to teach me.

I can't tell you why everyone (my age) important to me is scattered across the country. I can't explain why I'm still clinging to a love so far gone its sickening that these feelings still linger.

What I can tell you is I don't have all the answers, but I have realized is that I have to be content with the way things are.

So maybe I don't have friends here at home. In two years when I'm chasing my dreams in NYC that won't matter.

So maybe the relationship I've been holding on to for so long needs a strong letting go.

So maybe my family is what is most important right now.

And maybe I have to accept that reality is coming back to give me a good smack in three short weeks.

Until then I hope that I can get a few important relationships in good order. It may have taken three months, but I'm happy with life's imperfections.